I just want Jay back in my life. Death is a painful thing to deal with I guess.
I hate that feeling when you randomly feel depressed. There is no warning, no apparent reason. It just happens. You feel empty, and you feel hopeless. And you just feel tired. As if you never want to move again. Then when someone asks you what’s wrong, you can’t say because there is nothing that comes to mind. Then you start thinking of what it could be, and you realize just how much is wrong.
I’m so used to using drugs to get away from my problems. it’s when I get high is when I can cope with my issues, and just not think about it. I’ve been trying so hard to just stop, but it’s the only solution I’ve ever had in such a long time. I know I’m better than that and I know Jay told me before he died he didn’t want people making the same mistakes that he did. if jay was here right now, he wouldn’t want me running away from my problems & going down that path. I need things to change.
what i have learned from talking about my feelings
- it’s better to not talk about my feelings
i think the number one way to get me upset is to cancel plans on me honestly. i get myself so excited and i’ll be excited all week. and sometimes it’s the only reason i wanna get up is just for that day to come. and then people just cancel on you like its no big deal. it makes me feel like i’m going to cry.
being insecure fucking sucks because people always think you’re saying shit for attention or to get compliments but I don’t want attention because attention means more people noticing my flaws and I don’t want compliments because I don’t even know how to take them